CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE-er-sort of.

[Stratpicker]

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs

* Nuts
* 2 bottle wine
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat.
Go to Tesco and buy cake.

Bingle Jells

[John Haldane]

Thats the reason I end up with 6 cakes every year that no one wants to eat.
John H

[SELEDA284]

Priceless am creased up here laughed so loud I know for sure the neighbours heard me..... ...thanks for that Ian
Bingle Jells to you 'n' yours........

[Stratpicker]

Thanks Leslie - the same to you too!
It reminded me of a cross between Graham Kerr, the Chef (remember him - "Just another little slurp!") and Jasper Carrott's sketch "WIggy Bakes A Cake" (unfortunately the clip is no longer on Youtube ).
Have a good 'un
cheers
ian

[keithmantle]

Your turn for the 'food' at next Hankies !!

[roninnes]

Ange actually put her paper down when I read this one out, she is still crying with laughter.

Ron

[SELEDA284]

[quote="Stratpicker"]
It reminded me of a cross between Graham Kerr, the Chef (remember him - "Just another little slurp!") and Jasper Carrott's sketch "WIggy Bakes A Cake" (unfortunately the clip is no longer on Youtube ).[quote]

Yep I remember Graham Kerr..... Add a dash of Keith Floyd as well [almost a full bottle of slurps !!!!] [b]....[b]& then finish off with Wiggy & just imagine what sort of cake would result from them !!!!!

Cheers......slurp slurp
ps. I think I probably have Jasper's "Wiggy" sketch on a video somewhere.......

[shadowhunters]

haha nice one

Sam.